


Get a Room, You Two (No, Not That One)

by saunatonttu



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Humour, M/M, Sexy Times Being Interrupted, this is far less smut than it is a comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 02:09:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20770790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saunatonttu/pseuds/saunatonttu
Summary: If one more person walks in on them making out, Felix is going to kill someone.





	Get a Room, You Two (No, Not That One)

**Author's Note:**

> based off on twitter user @baoxie_'s tweets and art! thank you so much.

i.

One would think that the first time it happened, it’d be at the training grounds after a sparring match gone wrong. For them, it would be the logical spot too: trainings grounds for them were what rose gardens were (quoting Sylvain Jose Gautier) to ’normal’ people.

But no.

The first time it happened was after a particularly tedious conference with former Empire nobles. The day had _dragged_ on and on, and the new king of the unified Fódlan as well as the recently sworn Duke Fraldarius were both relieved when the conference finally came to a close for that day.

After a few more semi-polite exchanges, everyone else scattered out of the room, leaving the two by themselves, both still reclined against their chairs. For a moment, only silence remained, until the king heaved out a sigh and turned his gaze to his right side, where Felix sat.

”Thank you, Felix,” Dimitri murmured, now allowing himself to reach for Felix’s face with his hand, ”for bearing these conferences with me. I am not sure what I would do without you.”

”You’re useless by yourself,” Felix said, but no traces of heat burned in his words. He even leaned into the touch of Dimitri’s palm against his cheek, though ignored the much too pleased look that spread across his king’s face at that. ”Where else would I be but at your side?”

”Oh,” Dimitri said, blinking, and then he was already leaning in to kiss Felix, his lips gentle as they pressed against Felix’s. A soft whisper against his mouth, ”I will never again take that for granted.”

Perhaps because the day had been long and tiresome, or perhaps because of the feelings bubbling so close to the surface between them, Felix wound up straddling Dimitri on his chair as the kisses stretched on, one becoming two and two becoming many more.

”Felix,” Dimitri sighed, the reverent tone of it unfitting for the greedy hands that felt up Felix’s leg and back. The hand on his back slid under layers of clothing, scarred palm pressing against skin like it found a home in the dip of the small of Felix’s back. Meanwhile Felix’s own hands dug under Dimitri’s tunic and the undershirt, fingers splaying over deep scars on the plains of Dimitri’s chest, and Felix shuddered at the feeling, at the low sound that escaped from Dimitri’s throat.

Dimitri’s mouth latched onto Felix’s neck, unintelligible words muffled into the skin, and Felix’s hips twitched, thighs squeezing harder at Dimitri’s, as a familiar rush of want coursed through him, but this time he didn’t need to bite his lip and ignore –

The door to the room opened with audible enough noise that it startled both Felix and Dimitri, their gazes immediately lifting up to see Gustave, his expression ever stoic but something about the downcurve of his mouth spoke louder than any chastise could.

”Your Majesty,” he said by the way of greeting, his gaze settling heavily on the two of them. Neither of them had moved, the elderly knight’s gaze having frozen both of them much more efficiently than even Faerghan winters did. ”...Duke Fraldarius.”

Felix, to this day, wasn’t sure if there was anything that killed a boner as well as Annette’s father walking in on them and casting an entirely too contemplative gaze on them. A gaze that suggested the man had expected it, which was the most embarrassing thing about the situation.

”You truly are becoming more like your father every day, Your Majesty,” Gustave mused out loud as the three of them walked back towards the king’s study, where Dimitri ought to have been going all along instead of getting caught up in kissing Felix.

Dimitri let out a choked noise at that, and Felix snorted under his breath. ”Gustave, please, I beg of you to _not_ tell me what that’s supposed to mean.”

From the corner of his eye, Felix actually saw the old man’s lips twitch up in the barest hint of a smile.

ii.

Catherine hadn’t really planned on visiting Fhirdiad, not to mention the royal castle, but life had never been but a whirlwind of unexpected decisions for her. This time it wasn’t anything drastic, however: just one last favor to the newly assigned archbishop before officially retiring from the knights and following her partner to wherever life might lead.

She delivered the letter and the package to His Majesty as she had promised the archbishop she would, and decided to stick around for a few days – partially due to Dimitri’s insistence, partially because Catherine still itched to have a couple sparring matches with the castle knights just to see if they were up to the task of protecting the new king. A few days couldn’t hurt, she had the rest of her life to make up to Shamir for making her wait, after all.

On the evening of the second day, she finally managed to find the time to go to the training grounds, though she had found no one to spar with. Which was just fine – she might as well indulge herself in nostalgia of the old daysand wreck a few training dummies.

She hadn’t been thinking what she might encounter there asides from some knights getting in a bit of late practice.

Needless to say, that was not what her eyes met there.

She heard them before she saw them as she quietly closed the door behind her. Ragged breathing, something rustling, Dimitri moaning – could have been from pain but there was a more likely reason that she was familiar with, and Catherine stepped forward out of curiosity.

”That’s better,” another voice breathed, deeper and even raspier than what it usually was. ”Yield, Dimitri.”

”Ah, no,” Dimitri’s breathless voice cut through the air just as Catherine caught sight of him and Felix past the sturdy pillar. Then, Dimitri laughed, voice crackling, ”You need to do better than that if you want the win, Felix.”

The sight was – well, it didn’t leave much room for doubt as to what the two had been up to: Dimitri lay on his back on the ground, clothes ruffled and partially takan off, while Felix was on him, between Dimitri’s spread legs, his head somewhere near Dimitri’s neck. Catherine snorted, though a slight, embarrassed flush was beginning to touch her cheeks, too.

”Well, well,” Catherine said, barely biting back a laugh, ”is this some new kinda sparring I wasn’t made aware of?”

Two things happened at the same time: Felix’s bent-over form straightened up like a bed spring, and Dimitri’s gaze snapped in Catherine’s direction, going from lovestruck to straight up horror commendably fast. ”Catherine, what are you – why –”

”It’s an aaaawfully public place to get your hormones raging, don’t you think, Your Majesty?” Not that Catherine could really be scolding him without feeling like a hypocrite – but Dimitri didn’t know _that_, so where’s the harm in little teasing? ”All sorts of rumors are bound to get around, you know. Courts eat those right up. Next thing you know, all of Fódlan is talking about your sex life–”

Felix’s miserable groan accompanied Dimitri’s scandalized shout of ”Cassandra!” It really reminded Catherine of the way her father used to say her old name with that exact intonation whenever she did something to disappoint him. From Dimitri’s mouth, though, it only made Catherine laugh and wave her hand as she turned around to leave the grounds. ”I’ll leave you two to clean yourself up, then. Or you can finish too – I guess I’ll hear all about it later.”

”Oh, by the Goddess,” she heard Felix mutter, ”I am going to _kill_ her.”

”For once,” Dimitri said, with some laughter back in his voice already, ”I do not feel inclined to stop you, Felix.”

iii.

She was only gone for fifteen minutes at most. She had only gone back to retrieve some salve from her guest room, since it worked the best, and had thus left Dimitri under Felix’s supervision, not considering that perhaps leaving them alone would result in something more than just Felix rolling his eyes at Dimitri’s complete inability to take care of the small burn himself.

By the time she came back, though, things had changed drastically, though at first she didn’t realize what the muffled sounds she heard coming from behind the closed door meant. Her first concerned thought was, _oh my, it sounds like Dimitri’s in pain_, and that was why she opened the door without a second thought as to what other reasons there could be for Dimitri’s voice to sound so shaken

She didn’t expect to find Felix kneeling in front of the bed Dimitri sat on, his head between Dimitri’s muscular thighs, and Dimitri’s fingers deep in Felix’s still barely tied-up hair.

”Oh,” she said, with vague surprise, ”oh my.”

Dimitri’s one visible eye shot up, and it really was rather impressive how fast his face could redden from peach pink to full-on tomato. ”Oh,” he said, and Mercedes found herself distracted by the stutter in his rough voice. ”Oh, Mercedes, I am _so_ terribly sor –”

”Oh, don’t mind me,” Mercedes said faintly, trying to avoid looking down where Felix was still kneeling, though deathly still now. ”I’ll just… I’ll just come back a bit later, if that’s all right with you? I’ll leave the salve here, if you want to apply it yourself.”

”Mercedes,” Dimitri choked out, and it was rather adorable, the way his lips thinned and his eye darted anywhere else but her.

”I’ll leave you to it, then,” she said and walked backwards, smiling softly as she closed the door while Dimitri still stared at her as though he wished the ground would swallow him whole.

It almost reminded her of Emile when he was young.

Neither Dimitri nor Felix were able to look at her directly in the eye for the remaining duration of her visit. Silly boys, there was no need to be embarrassed.

iv.

Sylvain really should have seen the warning signs – should have learned from the last time, really, but he was tired after traveling to Fhirdiad from Gautier with little sleep and so his brain wasn’t exactly at its most functional.

Hell, Felix and Ingrid would say it was _never_ fully functional.

Either way, he’d been looking for His Majesty for a dinner companion, and he assumed he might find Felix with him too, but to his surprise he didn’t find either one at the training grounds. He’d tried the stables, too, but only stable boys lingered around finishing up their tasks for the night.

The throne room was one of the last places he thought to try, but there he was now, standing behind its wide oaken doors, wondering where else to search if Dimitri really wasn’t there. He’d been looking forward to catching up with his childhood friend.

He pushed the doors open, and stepped in.

A moment later he wished he hadn’t.

The throne stood at an angle where anyone entering the room would find their gazes drawn to it immediately, and so Sylvain’s eyes fell on the sight of Felix seated on it, eyes closed as he panted out an incoherent word, and Dimitri on his knees, head between Felix’s spread legs and mouth obviously busy with something as he gave a muffled hum. Somehow, neither of them hadn’t noticed Sylvain’s entrance.

”Really, guys?” Sylvain said, more affronted than embarrassed, his last remnants of self-preservation as dead as he was going to be in some moments. It had certainly been… a life. ”I’ve been looking for you two all over, and here you are, getting busy –”

Dimitri’s wide shoulders _jumped_ at the sudden voice, and it _was_ pretty hilarious to see a bulky man like that get so startled. If only Sylvain wasn’t aware said bulky man could crush him without much of a thought.

”Do you _ever_ shut up, Sylvain?” Felix’s voice was lower than it usually was, though his words were much less threatening when he sighed at Dimitri pulling away from what he’d been doing.

”I mean, there’s _a _way,” Sylvain said, because his better judgment had died somewhere on his way to Fhirdiad. Both Dimitri and Felix groan at the words, either out of annoyance or disappointment at him. Or both.

”Just saying,” Sylvain shrugged. ”Look, just... I wanted to have dinner with you two, but I can leave you two alone to go at it if you want – looking real nice on the throne, Felix, by the way – so you can finish up your business and we can pretend this never happ–”

It was Dimitri that cut him off, with a voice that left no room for talking back, ”Felix and I will join you after we… tidy up. Please, allow us a moment, Sylvain.”

Sylvain did just that.

He might not have died by the end of the night or his brief visit, but the next time he’d come to Fhirdiad, Felix probably _would_ skin him alive for adding his own two cents into the mill of rumors going around the court. Hey, gossip was fun when it wasn’t about him for once, alright?

v.

For once, they actually made it into Dimitri’s chambers before getting too caught up in each other to stop to consider their surroundings.

”I swear,” Felix muttered as he pulled Dimitri’s shirt off of him, ”if that servant of yours walks in on this, I’m going to –”

”Dedue?” Dimitri’s arms returned to Felix’s waist once the shirt had been thrown off, his lips near Felix’s pulse on his neck. ”He won’t.”

”You sound so sure,” Felix snorted, though breathless as his pulse quickened, and tugged Dimitri down on the bed with him. ”Why’s that?”

Dimitri’s laugh tickled down his neck, and made a shiver go through Felix’s frame. ”I told him,” his king, his lover, his irritatingly significant other murmured, ”I needed some privacy tonight. I trust we will not be disturbed.”

Felix’s nails dug into the skin between Dimitri’s shoulder blades as they both shifted around until Dimitri was between Felix’s legs, one of them safely tucked under the hold of Dimitri’s arm. Breathless, Felix managed a disbelieving grumble, ”...He’s guarding the door as we speak, isn’t he?”

”Knowing Dedue,” Dimitri said as he pressed kisses up to Felix’s jawline, as though the thought didn’t bother him much, ”he probably is.”

The thought of it was absurd enough to pull a laugh out of Felix, which only earned an entirely too fond sigh from Dimitri. ”Well then,” Felix said, pushing himself up against the wider body, ”let’s make sure he’s not guarding it for nothing, Dimitri.”

Indeed, nobody walked in on them as they finally got the chance to feel each other freely, without any other distraction or obligation, with whispered endearments between them and palms that met each others, fingers that curled between one another. Mouths exploring another’s skin, teeth biting into lip and neck alike, nails dragging out groans; hips moving frantically, as though in a hurry to make the most of the moment before it’d shatter with another interruption.

A rough, breathless whisper of _Dima_ before everything melted away.

**Author's Note:**

> gustave/gilbert: king lambert and his first wife loved going at it  
dimitri: i beg of you, stop  
felix: no, please, keep embarrassing him  
gustave/gilbert: lord rodrigue once got roped into what the kids would call a threesome these days  
felix: 
> 
> and so felix and dimitri became unable to look at each other for a week, much to everyone's relief.


End file.
